I thought I had penned my Pen for the day but I am rocking Neyo right now and this song has launched me into reflection and declaraion.
As a fully grown woman, I have had lovers and friends. I was married and there was a time I was faithful and a time that I wasn’t. I had several affairs when I was married.
Three to be exact over 8 years. Scandalous, huh?
Calm all the way down.
My outside delights were because I was suffocating in a marriage that I was grossly unhappy in.
My first lover was a past lover in year one of my marriage. I went home for the weekend, saw him and that was that.
My second was with a man who followed me around an construction site I was overseeing for lease up. He was there every second of the day with flowers, candy, lunch reservations, happy hour invitations and tokens until I just decided to lose myself in his attention and I did.
He was amazing and fun. Hot and Heavy. He makes random hello drops in my DM occasionally.
Bless his heart.
The last was actually during my separation and consequent divorce.
My marriage taught me that I am the brand of woman who is going to do exactly what I want to do when I want to do it. Whether that is a salacious dance on the dance floor, an impromptu trip to an island, a real estate acquisition that is too good to pass up or a week long fast where I don’t answer my phone and talk only to the humans that I birthed.
I do not obey. I do not submit and I won’t. Ever.
This song I could have written and sang for a man who is over there looking at me. He has a solid, stable relationship but this fire is arousing.
I own. I cook, clean, garden. Am well spoken, degreed, employed. I shoot guns and plant trees. I dress up nicely and can get raw and gritty. I am all that shit. But what I am not…is a wife.
I am Dana.
Don’t entertain leaving your thing for me. Don’t allow your imagination to bring you to me when you are dining with her. Don’t allow yourself to get lost in my freedom.
You cannot handle it.
I won’t do that. My soul won’t allow me to do that.
I know you think you can get me to commit the way you define commit and that is to live a life of lies to make the surrounding world feel better.
I know you think if you buy me a bigger house and give me more money, you can seal the deal. I know you think that you are the magical dick of dicks with the silver-est tongue that will tame me.
Baby, you can’t.
I can’t be subdued and I won’t be tamed. Your girl needs you and I never will. Want is better for me. We enjoyed our moment now go home.
Free Women Roam.