Yesterday, I took pictures of my body and immediately saw changes and thought, wow; that’s different.
I see myself naked everyday but it was something about looking at those still shots that resonated with me.
As I smiled at my body changes, I took time to reflect on this years changes and how tumultuous it has been.
COVID 19 changed all of our lives and thrust us into immediate conflict with members of our community who refuse to #maskup for the greater good.
COVID forced my daughter into homeschool and grounded our traveling family the first few months. Now, we go but we take every precaution to be safe and keep others safe.
What was also different about this year was my planning and sense of direction. I always have a plan and I am always working that plan. For the first time in 20 years, I did not execute 12 months of casting and I was not traveling.
In March, I literally wrote “Whatever Lord” on my vision board and walked away.
I was so lost initially because I could not execute a plan and I was not traveling. I was depressed for months and one day, just literally snapped myself out of it. It was either snap out of it or be taking a snapped pill every day.
I do HIGH but not “synthetic, man made pills high” so I had many sessions with myself. “Dana, get your shit together. Yoga, pray, exercise, get perspective, talk it out and show some gratitude. Chic, get it together”.
Yeah, I have to deal with myself like that sometimes.
Once I got un-depressed, the shitty year began teaching me some new things.
My “Whatever Lord”, caused me to trust God in a new way. We are usually co-pilots in my life. This season, I was a passenger. I wasn’t even in a seat on the plane. I was laid out in the floor in the aisle, holding on to a seat.
But once I began to trust the season, my depression turned into delight. I do not need to see my way.
I trust my way.
My kids are soaring.
My assets are increasing.
My relationships are strengthening.
I get up every day in a new gig. Something I have never done before but DAMN GOOD at.
I woke up this morning with pristine clarity and in a place of intimacy that I have never been before. I had a moment where my soul, spirit and body aligned and I was overtaken with this sweet clarity. It was the moment my soul has waited 48 years for.
And in a blink of an eye, soooooooooooooooooo much made sense.
I am so turned on by life now that the orgasms are overtaking me. I need to say “Whatever Lord” more often. This is absolutely fascinating but I must be 100.
Getting here was hard. It hurt. It was disappointing, It was traumatic. It was painful. It caused me to say more goodbyes and cry more tears than I ever wanted to.
But I was determined to live in truth. The truth hurts like hell sometimes but if we can just get through the contractions and labor pain, the morning sickness, the mood swings, the weight gain, the season beyond conception, the pregnancy.
If we can endure the travail and not die on the birthing table, we will indeed birth BEAUTIFUL. It won’t come without honesty. It may not come without letting go and starting a new and it surely won’t come by resurrecting what is dead.
We have to birth our new thing. It has to take its first breath, have its first moments, see through its own eyes. Stand on its own legs.
Our BEAUTIFUL will cause us to dance in the rain, play in snow and hurry to work….even if that work is just behind a closed door in a room in our own home.
We will kiss sweetly, make love slowly and fuck hard when that is what we need and the force won’t even hurt. You will laugh and say damn, we needed that.
We will relish every moment with our children and love only the people who deserve our love. Wasting not a second trying to convince anyone of anything.
Truth makes its own case and requires no deliberation.
Our lives will start to fill up with everything that makes us whole, complete, powerful and majestic.
I am talking about life, not living. Passion not positions. Effectualness not exhaustion.
The highest level of actualization is the goal for some of us and we will get there if we are determined to travail. I am only speaking to a select few.
Midwives are on board in the spirit realm. They are standing by.
Collect yourself. Honor your truth. Build yourself. Align. Get Nasty. Conceive and PUSH!!!!
Then, gaze into the eyes of your BEAUTIFUL.