So, I talked to them and neither of them are happy. Sammy expressed that his continual acceptance of G in my life has affected him in ways that he did not anticipate. Sammy and I only see each other on the weekends and I see G much more because we are in the same city.
Sammy isn’t my first call if I need help with something because he is not here. If I need an extra pair of hands, G is on it and it may appear as if we are closer because we spend more time together but that is not true.
G had already told me that he wanted to be exclusive and I do not do exclusive. Exclusive feels too much like marriage with rules, regulations and obligations.
When I asked G what he saw our end game being, he said he wanted to wake up to me every single day and I froze.
I get on my own nerves and waking up to myself every single day is challenging sometimes and besides I like living alone. I like sleeping in the center of my bed. I like dancing around my house nude without having someone trying to taste me every time they see me naked.
I like the stillness and quietness of my home. I can actually hear my plant babies cry for water when they are thirsty. I like sitting on my roof smoking cigars and drinking my favorite wine and watching the sunset without interruption or conversation.
I do not want to to live with anyone. He can be next door, down the street or across the country but what we will not share is a mailbox. I like the autocracy of my woman and my life is just not open for negotiation.
Neither of my lovers are in agreement with adding Titus to my mix so I must decide if I will end two great relationships with men I love to explore a relationship with a man that I do not even know.
I love what I share with Sammy and G. Two amazing men who add joy to my life but they do not get to cap my experiences. They do not get to limit my exploration. I am here. Loving them, sharing with them with honesty and transparency. Giving them exactly what I said I would.
I have approached this all wrong. I do not have a decision to make at all. They do.
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