I made the decision to love him. Even though I could see that he was grossly irresponsible, incapable of real growth and wounded, I decided to love him anyway. I am generous with my love.
Something in me screamed “Help Him” when he told me about how his mother abandoned him when he was a child. There was a tenderness in his eyes that appealed to me. There was a potential in him peaking out from the darkness that I knew I could reach…if he would let me.
He was neglected on so many levels. His diet was a mess. His financial affairs was a mess. His relationship with his ex wife was a mess. His relationship with his father was a mess. His professional dealings were sketchy. He was such a fucking mess and I knew I could and would bring real value and improvement to his life.
And I did.
I cleaned him up and help him get on purpose road. His skin was illuminate, his body built muscle, he ate from my hands and drank from my fountain. His affairs were shaping up and everyone around him could see the undeniable changes, improvements.
Our love making was electric. Our long talks over dinner were more satisfying than the meal itself. There was a softness to his hands that meshed with the softness of my skin. He was comfy like a big ole down feather armchair.
He just felt good. After a long day, we were each others cuddle place.
Our spirits vibed but our souls were not aligned. I was not his brand of woman. Too much of everything. Too outspoken, too independent, too sassy, too bossy, too authoritative, too naked and too challenging.
Healers are not ordinary women. We come off strong because we are strong.
Over the years we sparred like two heavy weight fighters in the ring. No KO’s just 12 long bouts…over and over again. Our relationship was so contentious and acrimonious it drowned out the good.
We just could not ploy through all the issues but we were magical.
I am sure he will list disrespect as my chief violation and in his very sensitive world, a woman breathing too hard is disrespectful.
For me he was too overbearing which is a sign of insecurity and weakness. He was having conversations with my colleagues that were out of line. He was trying to manage my attire which was out of line. He even pulled out a chair at the dining room table (that I paid for ) in my house (that I pay for) to talk to me about my course of action regarding something he did not like.
- I am grown
- I am grown
- You do not tell me what to do
- I do not have to explain myself to you
We got into heated argument that night and he showered and retreated to “my” bed. I showered and laid across the couch. I needed a minute to myself before getting in the bed with him. He called my name a few times and I said “give me a second”.
I guess my seconds ran out because he left and I let him. He sat in the driveway for a few minutes and eventually drove to where he rents to live at 1 in the morning.
It became clear that I was too free of a woman for this man and that was cool because he got the hell out the way for the right man.
We were pretty extraordinary together and he back to being basic and I am back to being every damn thang. Well, I never stopped being every damn thang.
-2 B Continued…
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