I heard someone say once that the sins of the father often fall on his children. I really did not know what that meant until I started to take a long and hard look at my relationships and the men that I have loved.
The examination produced an astonishing conclusion. I realized that I have dated my father over and over again.
As disturbing as that sounds, it is true. The men in my life are lying, manipulative, controlling little people who are void of character and decency…just like my father.
I came home the other night to find a woman’s earring on the floor on my side of the bed.
It was a plant.
Whoever my lover had in my bed left it there for me to find but I could not believe that he would violate our home in such a dis honorable way and then I remembered when I was ten, my parents got into a violent argument about another woman being in our home.
My mother said she could smell her perfume in the sheets and in the kitchen. Something my father vehemently denied but my siblings and I knew it was true.
He accused Mommy of being crazy. He would often do this to get her to doubt herself, doubt her senses and intuition and for the most part of their marriage this strategy worked.
My mother is still with him to this day. He has robbed her of her joy, her youth and the reward of a good man. But can I really blame him? He has simply done what he knew she would allow.
My mother is a beautiful woman. She is a good woman and there were plenty of decent, hardworking men that would have honored her but she chose to stay with my father because she did not want his other women to have him.
A part of him resented her for holding on to him and he punished her with his indiscretions and she punished him with staying. Mommy stopped loving Daddy a long time ago and she stopped loving herself before that.
My man is simply doing what he knows that I will allow. All of the threats to leave him bluffs have been called. He has done the worse and I have stayed so there is nothing really left for him to do and if I am being completety honest, I stayed with him the first time he cheated because I did not want the other bitch to win.
But I am the loser.
Void of real love for real love is honest and true and I am reaping what I sowed. He was engaged when I met him and I ended that.
When I held that earring up, he laughed at me and said I was crazy and that I dropped it and that I buy so much shit, I do not know my own earrings.
He has poked at my shopping before. I work hard but he always has something to say about what I spend my money on and I know my fucking earrings!
As I held the earring up, I began to cry because we had just made love and I was making the bed when I spotted the earring.
I could hear the low budget hoe laughing at me.
My soul shattered in a million pieces and I should have known he would do exactly to me what he did to the ones before me. But I said he would never. The lies I have told myself cause me to weep. I ask myself if I will ever muster up the dignity and decency to end this cycle of abuse and the answer lies in my mother.
Every time I kiss her, it winks at me.
Besides the Universe is not done with me yet. For there is more reaping for me to do.
For my sins, those of my father and hell, maybe even my mother.
Short Story Series