Ya’ll know I am the forever Bible student. I have been contemplating where I want to teach and preliminary discussions with entities and evaluations of institutions leave me with the “you are not right for me” feeling.
I curse. I smoke cigars. I am unmarried and I have sex. Lots of sex. Some of it is on video. I dance until I sweat. I love reggae music. I scream at concerts. I dance on tables. I play in the snow. I make a lot of love (different from sex). I have red wine on tap and drink eggnog every day when its in season…with brandy.
I experience road rage. I am often at the gun rage because of road rage.
I travel alone, sometimes at whim. I defy gender boundaries and limitations. No man (person with penis) tells me what to do. Ever.
I am raising equal humans, one male and one female. They both need the exact same thing. Love, provision, guidance, protection, honor. I do not have to be a man to provide this. A man doesn’t have to be a woman to provide this. What children need, a capable human being can provide. Not a man. Not a woman. Just a capable, loving, responsible human and for the record, my children…these beings are extraordinary. For real, they are.
I am different. Very different.
And I love God. I want to wake up and the Creator be proud of me. This is important to me and this desire, this calling, this yearning leads me in all kinds of directions in search of absolute truth.
I have to know.
I have to trust the text.
I have to know Gods name. If God has a name.
It is more important to me than the air I breathe. My Creator does not get to create me and not give me the nitty gritty. Nope. I am all in Creators face. Every single day with my lists, and questions, and opinions, and more questions.
I recently learned that the word Spirit means Breath. SPIRIT MEANS BREATH. OH………………………….MY………………………………GOD!
So now, I have been referring to God as Breath and my theologian colleagues, professors and friends are looking at me all crazy and you already know, I do not GAF.
There is that cursing again.
Some religious person straining to understand me, asked me to journal, pen my view of God and a few other things and I wanted to share it with you, so here goes…
I believe God created us as free will agents. Giving us the ability to make our own choices. I vehemently defend free will and each person’s natural right, and God given right to decide how to live their lives. This is not a popular opinion within religious communities but my defense of it especially during these times where our government has made it their business to police their version of morality is crucial, vital, necessary.
God promises us abundant life, healing and salvation. God promises us protection in obedience and divine insight. God will lead and guide us if we are willing to follow. God does not force us to be disciples. God does not force us to be Believers. God does not force us to do the right thing. God lays out before us life and death, blessings and cursing’s and tells us to choose.
I am a critical thinker and I will challenge what does not seem to be just, fair and in line with God’s spirit. One of the ways I do this is by discerning God’s word from mans word within the text of the Bible. There are times we see God speaking, and there are times when man is clearly speaking. One of my early teachers taught that every single word of the bible was God uttered and that is simply not true.
The bible is full of the sayings of man, the deeds of man, the rebellion of man, the shortcomings of man, the opinions of man and the biases of man. There are times when Paul said, I speak by permission and not divine instruction, it is right there in black and white. So clearly if Paul spoke by permission others did as well.
What I know to be true is this. I am created in the image and likeness of God. I am the feminine expression of the Creators personage. God is Spirit, neither male nor female. The part of the text that portray the Creator in the masculine (which is the majority), I critically examine as to why. The parts of the text that portray God in the feminine, I critically examine as to why.
As a woman, it is very important for me to actualize as much as my god-likeness as possible and in order to do that, I must defy gender biases and societal restrictions. When I dig into it, it’s clear to me that almost all of these biases and restrictions are anchored in some kind of religious dogma or teaching that I do not see supported by Spirit (Breath).
Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” This scripture defines Man as being two entities, male and female. Man is not man by himself. Female is not man alone. Both beings are man, the scripture declares.
This fact shapes and governs my entire existence. I am often met with resistance to this truth, but I forge ahead anyway. My anatomy serves a reproductive function and a reproductive function only. Restrictions about who I am and what I can do, do not come from Breath, Spirit. I am only interested in who God says I am without footnotes and commentary and this position serves my soul, my being well.
I had some of this wrong for a very long time. The next phase of my life will be spent correcting some of it using my paper, my pen, my voice and my life.
Penning my Journey