Light Stung Eyes

Sometimes the sunlight is so bright that it stings our eyes

It hurts a little and we have to turn away because it can be painfully temporarily blinding

That is how the truth feels sometimes and we have to resist the urge to look away or turn our head

Living in my personal truth is one of my proudest soul accomplishments

Being candid, uncensored and free allows me to be true to who I am

I was thinking about some of indiscretions

Some affairs I have had

Some choices I made

Some things I have done and although I am not jumping up and down about everything I have done

I am alright with the woman I was when I was doing it

If I was having an affair it was an open affair

I was never hid under anyone’s anything

If anyone is going to love me, have me or need me they are going to do it on my terms in plain sight

If I did not like someone they knew it

I told them

I never throw rocks and hide my hand

I take pride in what I do

All of it

The good, the bad and the whatever

An associate of mine recently propositioned me for a weekend

I am unmarried

I belong to me but I have decided in this season I am seeing one man exclusively

So when my associate friend ask me to go away for the weekend I asked him “What does your girl have to say about that?”

He gushed

She doesn’t have to know

If I am in the room she will know

This erupted this conversation about my life mantra

Living in the light

I had absolutely no intention of going anywhere with this man but if had decided to, my lover would have been the first to know

It would have been a conversation

Maybe he would have ended our relationship

Maybe he would have said Dana you are grown, I cannot police you

Maybe he would have elected to ask me to stop talking as he has done in the past

But I am committed to love and you cannot have love and lies

Lies and love cannot co-exist

So I have learned that sometimes my truth will cost me something

And I am perfectly alright with that because what I gain, is far more valuable than the alternative

I am so free

Free to be, speak and do

Deep down in the marrow of the bone, free and the amazing thing is I am holding hands with a wonderful soul

A soul who gets me

Loves me

Who champions and supports my freedom even when it stings his eyes and that is a gift that only truth can give and my God people, it is absolutely, positively, undeniably amazing.

Normally this level of freedom is accepted from only men. Men say what they want to say and do what they want to do. They have outside relationships that their women tolerate in order to save their seat at the table of lies and deceit but how many women do you know who can tell her man about a lustful desire that does not involve him or an affair she had when he was out having his?

How many women can say, “Damn he fine” in the eargate of her dude and he not interpret that as some attack on his manhood or insult to his limp pride?

I am thrilled to be living out a freedom that my daughter can respect and admire and that my son is growing to understand.

Nothing about my woman has shit to do with any man and if my actions, commentary, opinions and decisions are reflective of him in any way he is weak and pitiful.

I stand on my own legs and his self esteem has to stand on his and if I can shake, rattle or roll him; his is needs to be shook and roll the hell on.

But thankfully, that is not my case before the court of life.

Right now, my case is rested…in the arms of some amazing love with my hand on the bible and a swear, Nothing but the truth so help me God…”

-Dana Lena’

Penning my Woman

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