No Second Date!

It was about 8 years ago when I met a man I will refer to as Tom. We glanced at each other at the light as I pulled up to his SUV with my convertible top down. At this next light, he tried to have a conversation but the light turned green so it was at the third light, he asked me to pull over.

He was cute so I did.

Tom got out and strolled over to my car and introduced himself and asked if we could exchange numbers.


He was cute.

We went to lunch later on in the week and during our getting to know each other conversation, he mentioned that he had two daughters in elementary school. I asked a few questions about them and he really could not answer. What do they like to do? What school do they attend? Do they play any sports? I have a daughter, so I was curious.

When I started to see him fumble and stumble, I asked when he had seen them last and when he could not say for sure, our date was over.

He was stunned because he did not understand what HIS daughters had to do with me.

My reply, “everything”.

I explained to Tom that he could not date me and not see his daughters. He could not take me out to dinner and not have lunch with them at school. I would not accept a gift from him ever, and he had not given a birthday gift to either of them in years. I will never accept anything a child should receive from their father that they are not getting. I am many things but selfish and deprived is not one of them.

When a woman feels as if she is missing something, or has missed something she is so thirsty that she will drink from any fountain even if poisonous lead is in the water. She will slurp up every drop while children are thirsty.

I am not that girl.

He was irritated and almost mad as he proudly boasted “But I pay child support”.

I DO NOT CARE. Child support is not a relationship and if you do not have a relationship with them, you can’t have a relationship with me.


Because in the world in which I live, men are men. They support their children and they are present. They are engaged. They are loving and supportive agents in their children’s lives and they are respectful of their children’s mothers. Irregardless of how much of a “bitch” he thinks she is.

That woman is responsible for his kids being okay.

I did not and do not have space in my life and energy in my being for any boy-man who is too small and weak to understand very basic principles.

I got up from the table, got my cute self in my convertible and drove off.

Tom recently sent me a friend request on Facebook. His profile pic was of him and two teenage girls.

Curious, I accepted the request that was immediately followed up with a direct message that simple said “Thank you”.

To which I simply replied, “My pleasure”.

Good women make men better even if she doesn’t stick around to see it and most men will never be who they are supposed to be without a good woman sticking it to them, one way or the other.

Dana Lena’

-All About Auspicious Living


  1. You know I have learned not every biological parent deserves to be in a child’s life. Its raw and its real. We have to ask ourselves what the absent persons influence is and if he/she has been content with being apart from their child for any amount of time, doesn’t that tell us everything we need to know about that person? I believe it does. Thank you for the comment and support. Share, share, share!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My husband tapped me to read this. I have a son and his father has not seen him since he was a toddler. I wonder what kind of man walks away from a kid and you put it in focus. A man doesn’t. This needs to be a published in every paper in America.

    Liked by 1 person

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