Making the decision to remove my daughter’s biological from her life was not an easy one. It was a decision I had contemplated over the years. David Vincent Harris abandoned our daughter when she was just 6 months old. Before his abject absence, he sent a lying letter declaring that he would petition for visitation rights, establish legitimacy during at which time, child support would be established.
I gave him ample time to follow up on his declaration and he failed to do so therefore I petitioned the court to establish an order for child support, and they did. Ordering almost twice as much as I had agreed to accept. Dumb ass.
After the hearing, he disappeared again and he resurfaced when his mother Vanessa was dying. His desire to grant his mothers dying wish to have a relationship with her grand daughter was his chief motivation, only for that to be interrupted by his wife peering into my child support cases as a DHS administrative employee. A very foolish decision that resulted in an in depth investigation and her termination.
He then appeared a few years later. She was 7. Sending an email to her through me requesting another opportunity to be in her life. One, I did not deny. Keep up. This is now the third time.
He showed up at that visitation meeting looking like a man dying of thirst staring at water. My heart ached. He looked old, withered, battered, beaten and defeated. Not the charismatic man I remembered. His walk was no longer a swaggered strut but more of a shovel (bad knees), his skin looked leprous and his eyes were dim.
My heart broke.
What had become of the man I had loved so earnestly?
It did not take long before he was doing his kind of begging and pleading and he found his way to my bedroom chambers on November 6, 2016. Election night and we were full steam ahead until we crashed and burned on September 8, 2017. We began in 2007 and finally ended in 2017. Ten years we had secretly fanned the flames of our desire and the flames were out. This time for good.
I did not have any confidence in the fact that David would conduct himself with compassion and character as it related to our daughter after our relationship ended. He had already showed me on at least 3 occasions how he conducted himself with her when I was not the prize.
He swore that I was not the reason he came back and that she was.
That was a lie his actions revealed.
If it were all about our daughter, the very FIRST thing he would have done when he got out of my bed on November 7th was to file a legitimacy action. This would have given him the parental rights he needed for a child who was turning 8 years old. HE DID NOT.
It became clear to my daughter after our break up, that Daddy was in it for Mommy.
He was at my home 3-4 days a week, with at least 2 overnight stays. He called my phone at least 7 or 8 times a day. After our break up, he called to speak with Hannah once a day and claimed to want to see her at least once a week. He was never really able to shape the day up until the last minute, but when his tongue and dick were getting wet, I received a calendar at the top of every month with detail of his visits and overnight stays. On Regions Bank letter head, the details were all laid out.
So when he was unable to nail down a time with her, call her regularly and commit to being at her school functions like he did when he was always napping with Mommy; her intuition kicked in and so did reality.
She had a crying spell at school that resulted in going to the counselors office. I found out about it because she had left her book bag at home and when I went to drop it off, I ran into the counselor in the office only to learn that I was on her “call list”.
My baby had been thinking. Feeling. Crying. ALL DAY. He was the first man to make her cry and he would be the last on my watch.
Thinking about how her dad was missing almost all of her life. Thinking about how when he did finally show up, he quickly turned his attention to Mommy. Thinking about how as soon as we broke it off, he was back on the phone telling another woman he loved her during one of their day visits. He had just stopped napping with Mommy. Thinking about how he had taken her to his old high school in Atlanta declaring she would go there, which confused the hell out of her. We do not live in the City of Atlanta and for her, that must mean HE WAS MOVING HER. Thinking about how when Daddy was napping with Mommy, the phone rang all day, now she hardly spoke to him and saw him.
When the counselor called him, he was defensive. Guilty people are always defensive. When he finally spoke with Hannah, I could here him yelling questions at her through the phone and finally, he showed himself:
” I know what your mother is doing! I know she put you up to this?”
THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW.
The only acceptable response was “I know this is a confusing time for you. Dad loves you. I know I still have a lot to make up for”.
But no. In his mind this is apart of my elaborate scheme.
Why in the hell, would I overwhelm my daughter with emotional baggage so she would be crying in school? Why would I want to paint him out as a “bad” father when I had performed a character miracle up until this time so she would still hold him in high regard?
He was going into ex wife battle custody mode. Those were the tactics he and his ex wife used against each other and his third ex wife that he picked back up from the curb was cheering the foolishness on. She is as dumb as a bag of rocks. The son they share will certainly bear the curse she has wished on my daughter, one that will never come to pass in her life but certainly in his.
What his insanity failed to reveal was that his access to her was by permission. My sole permission. He did not have any rights to her. He did not have any right to see her. The school only knew who we was and his number because I gave it to them. They were not of any binding authority to discuss anything with him. Actually, without my expressed permission; if he showed up there he could be arrested. They were put on notice that day. He cannot EVER have any future contact with her here. The counselor was in agreement. Her comment “wow, he is a special brand of stupid”.
So, this whole “I know your mother put you up to this” position was a manifestation of his insidious desire to destroy the good I was able to accomplish in her despite him. This was a manifestation of a bitter and broken man who was use to using children as weapons. The manifestation of a weak man who only knows how to conduct himself with a woman when he is fucking or sucking her. A real reflection of his mommy issues and the fact that he really hates women.
I decided then there that their brief and tumultuous relationship would end and I would take the next couple of months to prepare her and that I did. Hannah spoke to her biological around Christmas of last year and the first week of 2018, the phone number had changed and she understood why.
David is reckless and irresponsible. His other children bear the brunt of his curse. God surely has rejected him and as a result, he is forced to live in a darkness he has convinced himself is a light.
His older daughter got into a fist fight with her mother (if she were my child, she would be dead) and she can’t keep a healthy relationship together with superglue. His oldest son ate away his pain and is a convicted felon.
He could have been great. He could have been effective had he been willing to live honorably but instead he continues to live in deceit and those kids continue to suffer. That baby boy of his is sweet but weak. Why his mother took David back after all of the shame and disgrace is one for Dr. Phil, Ivanyla and those physics they appeal too. She wants to believe he provides. He has done none absolutely NOTHING for her as it relates to provision that he would not have to do for himself. He just drags her along.
Renting every damn thing. He is almost 50 years old. Does not own a car. A home. A boat or a Box. After 20 years of their foolishness, neither of them own a home. Twitter is in their name, titles and deeds…not so. What he does around the house, a maintenance man can do for damn near free and opening and closing doors, get a damn porter.
And those step daughters of his, God bless them.
I was not going to stand by and watch him do what he does to children to my child. No thank you. She is brilliant and gifted. She has not shed another tear and has people in her life that truly love her. I am a firm believer that it takes a village and FAMILY is WHO you make it.
So if any of you are on the fence about whether or not to entertain a deadbeat so the child can at least see them, get off the fence. Listen to how damn silly that sounds. When is a deadbeat ever good? DEAD. BEAT. Still struggling pull out the dictionary.
Dead has a place and it is not in the life of kids. Let them live in peace…my daughter certainly will.
Dana Lena Ocean Clarity