I was recently having lunch with a relationship counselor as ground work for a project and we were discussing toxic relationships and the fuel they need to survive.
Most of us are under the assumption that toxic relationships “look” a certain way and sometimes they do but toxic relationships come in forms that LOOK healthy.
The counselor shared that roller coaster relationships are toxic because when you look at the “highs” of that relationship, something bad or external is often feeding it.
JESUS, take the wheel!
She identified that a marriage or relationship on the rocks is often fueled with effort when the affair is discovered. One party usually goes into fix a broke marriage or partnership mode because they do not want to lose to the other person. This is a recipe for future disaster even if the couple manages to hold the raggedy pieces together.
The motives are wrong. The effort was not the result of a sincere desire to make the marriage better or to sincerely please the other person, it was an effort birthed out of selfish desire, which is what probably caused the deterioration in the first place.
She also indicated that most people are willing to lie to themselves in an effort to maintain appearances and save face. What a horrible state to be in and a horrible way to live.
The moment and intimate partner shares their intimate space, energy, soul and being with another person whom they develop love for, it is a done deal in the realm of the spirit. A spiritual breach has occurred that is irreparable. One can never and I mean never get or get back what has been given to another individual. Why? Because the other person has it and will always have it.
I encountered this wonderful teacher right in time.
As I grow in this beautiful space I am in, I do so with the understanding that there is a blessing and a peace in knowing that his heart belongs to me and only me and his desire is only for me.
No woman wants to play second fiddle to anyone. No woman wants to battle the demons that remind her that her “man” was in love with someone else, desired someone else, ached for someone else or God forbid, chose someone else.
No one deserves that and for those who chose to endure it, God bless them.
There is a reason why we should not begin new relationships with old residue or before the spiritual bath or cleansing is complete. We cannot yield to impatience. Relationship confidence is the result of having pure motives and loving out of pure motives. It is knowing that you live in the realm of truth, honor and loyalty.
Relationship confidence is not needing a tragedy to renew interest. It is not motivated by fear but by passion and faithfulness. Relationship confidence is not hoping that someone will come back after the fact, but knowing that because they want to be with YOU they won’t leave in the first place and they would never do anything to compromise their standing.
REAL LOVE truly is a beautiful thing. It is worth waiting for. It is worth making room for. It is worth everything it will cost, and it will cost you something.
-D.L.P. All About Auspicious Living