We all know that men are the most selfish between men and women. They lie, cheat, steal and kill to get what they want, how the want, when they want. All men make decisions that are in their best interest first.

Every available statistic says so.

I want my unmarried women to consider a few facts before they say “I Do”.

Men who have marital partners also live longer than men without spouses; men who marry after age 25 get more protection than those who tie the knot at a younger age, and the longer a man stays married, the greater his survival advantage over his unmarried peers.Jul 1, 2010  (

Now here is some 411 on women:

Marriage has long been cited as a health booster, with couples living in wedded bliss more likely to live longer and have fewer emotional problems.

Yet a new study suggests that women hardly benefit from tying the knot.

Landmark research by University College London, the London School of Economics and The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine found that single women do not suffer the same negative health effects as unmarried men.

“Not marrying or cohabiting is less detrimental among woman than men,” said Dr George Ploubidis, a population health scientist at the UCL Institute of Education.

“Being married appears to be more beneficial for men.

But the new study showed that while there was a small health impact for men who never married, it appeared that a long-term relationship was enough to keep people happy and healthy. (This research was published in The American Journal of Public Health).

Compared to being single, marriage is a bum deal for many woman. Accordingly, married women are less happy than single women and less happy than their husbands, they are less eager than men to marry, they’re more likely to file for divorce and, when they do, they are happier as divorcees than they were when married (the opposite is true for men) and they are more likely than men to prefer never to remarry.

It’s part of what has been called the “paradox of declining female happiness.”

Women have more rights and opportunities than they have had in decades and yet they are less happy than ever in both absolute terms and relative to men.

Marriage is part of why.

Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage


Now, we have reports that show men who have work wives are far more successful than men who do not. Give me a break!

Now that I have the data out of the way. After being divorced (married for 7 years) and contemplating an engagement last year, I was asking myself some really hard questions and coming up with some not so popular answers.

I have never liked the idea that in most civilizations, women were deemed their husbands property. That has never set well with me. The origin of marriage especially in this country, has a ball and chain feel to it that makes me want to run.

Surrendering my name is a no go. I know longer explain why. It just is.

Having to check in and report my whereabouts because of the chance I may be abducted in broad day light while walking down a beach with my daughter sounded so crazy as my ex lovers jealously, insecurity and obsession was manifesting.

Needing to have my plans approved by a husband so he can make sure they are solid and I am moving in the right direction is comical. I have a compass, a map and GPS and it is not him.  I can pick out my own whatever it is. Thank you very much.


All of this dominion and control men tend to want to exercise over women is rooted in their beliefs about who THEY are, what they are supposed to do and how we are supposed to respond. Every woman I know who divorced, is better off than they were when they were married; in all ways measurable.

About this time last year, I was settling on the fact that I did not want to be married again.  When I define marriage under the law, I do not want any parts of that.  Which was a long conversation about perceived rejection, with David; my boo at the time.

He could not fathom the thought of being with me and not having “papers” on me. Surely, if I honored my ex husband and married him; he was not going to accept anything less. He needed to “own me”. And if he married those other two, surely he would honor me with marriage. Honor me with marriage, can you hear me laughing?

See how men make every damn thing about them? 

Surely if the all the wives of men in his family and peer group, took their husbands last name, his wife surely would follow suit because if she did not, he would look like a punk.

Again, about him.

He gave more consideration to how others would perceive him than how I felt and how I perceived him. But that is not unique to him.  I would say the majority of men feel this way. I sit in the barber shop a lot with my son and the foolishness they utter in 2018 is frightening.

I am usually sitting there shaking my hand uttering “and someone actually sleeps with you?”

Thanks to our LGBT community and their activism, I now have all the protections I need legally for domestic partnership with my man. Who saw that coming? Thank you, lovelies.

I say this all the time, I love being a free woman. I take a tremendously amount of pride in taking care of myself and providing a beautiful life with my children. They both are excelling and this year, added international travelers to their life experience.  As a high school sophomore, my son already has scholarship offers and I have done a damn good job.  I do not need a man to keep my son in line, I have a belt and a broom…in love.

I am very proud of the fact that I bought a home, have more assets than debt and managed to complete my degree while working for myself. I own my time and my life. I have already accomplished what most women get married to do.

I will continue to do what I do and how I do it. Loving my man until his heart damn near stops and he has to catch his breath. I will continue to dazzle with my home made meals with vegetables and fruit that come from my garden, cooking bare foot in my cute little dresses that make him want to skip dinner every single time.

I will continue to support and build and uplift and be the muse he needs to get to the next level, again and again and again. We will love and love hard. Real hard. I will continue to whisper in his ear, rub his back, hold his heart. Marilyn Monroe, Jackie O and Trina style.

I am just doing it off paper.

Please do not ask me to marry you.

I do not want to have to verbally say no because the minute I say Yes to you, I have to start saying NO to me…and then I will be a version of me….and love just doesn’t do that.

But you are free to continue to love me and bask in the sun….and you already  know, I love me some you and when I love you baby, you are loved.

Let us not let a piece of paper come in between that.


Girl Power
Auspicious Living Magazine









  1. Dana, you are going to start a revolution! I love you and if we were lesbians, I would want to marry you! Awesomeness.


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