We all get angry. Some of us have more to be angry about than others but we all have something to be mad as hell about at some point.
Anger is an emotion that psychologist say is primitive and it is masking another emotion. The other emotion may be embarrassment, guilt, shame, fear. Check this article out for more on the different emotions anger is hiding.
In order to control and manage our anger, we have to understand where it comes from.
We want to provide some healthy tools and suggestions to utilize in dealing with anger. The Mayo Clinic published these tips that we found to be extremely helpful.
1.Think before you speak.
2. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. …Once you’re calm, express your anger.
3. Get some exercise
4. Take a timeout.
5. Identify possible solutions
6.Stick with ‘”I” statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes,” instead of, “You never do any housework.”
7. Don’t hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
8. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
10. Know when to seek help.
It is important not to allow anyone to force you further into conflict. Just because someone is demanding a “sit down” does not mean you have to oblige if you are not in a place where you can have a civil conversation.
Controlling people will always try to control everything around them including you. It is more than reasonable to table a discussion for an appointed time and revisit it then to make sure issues are addressed and not perpetually delayed.
Some of my absolute worse moments in life happened when I had a conversation that I was not ready to have. I felt trapped and cornered and did not have the emotional fortitude at the time to deal with what was going on. I was depleted in the moment and the outcome was never a good one.
When any being is backed into a corner, they come out fighting in one form or another.
I am the type of soul that needs to reflect. Gather my emotions. Personally assess where I went wrong before someone else gives me their two cents. It is important for my clarity to come from within. Clarity for me never comes from without.
I am learning to take better control over my emotional well being and this allows for constructive, meaningful and impactful consideration and conversation.
I want nothing more than to be in a love spot with everyone that I am connected to intimately and this requires a set intention when conflict arises.
As I grow, I eventually want to be in a love spot with everyone I encounter. My new goal is for people who encounter me to say, “God, that Dana is so loving. Loves just oozes from her”.
Modeling love on a different level has risen to the top of my to do list and the questions I will ask myself more and more is “Dana, do you have to respond to this now? How can you respond in truth and love?”
After all, that is the model of Jesus, the Master and my God, do I have a long way to go.
We all do.
-Dana Lena' Publisher and Senior Writer Auspicious Living Magazine