For the second time, I loved this woman and I loved her full throttle. She came into my life over ten years ago and took me in like a hurricane. Her warmth, passion, excitement and zeal for life was intoxicating. She was everything I ever wanted and did not have.
Problem being, I was on my third unhappily ever after.
This woman lit fires in me that I did not know I had. I could not get enough of her and she could not get enough of me. Every waking free moment, I ached to be in her arms but with much hesitation and anguish, I decided to end it. I just could not leave my wife with our children.
She was not Sahara, not by a long shot but she did not deserve to be left. She had served me in our marriage. Sahara, was new on the scene. Although, I loved her and loved her dearly, she had not earned her stay so I choose to stay married.
Chee Chee did what she needed to do to keep me home but it was only temporary. I soon found myself “back out there”, hungry for only what Sahara had ever given me. I had such a hard on for this woman, I had a stash of faux pictures of her. Women that reminded me of her. Pretty brown chocolate, full lips, tight thighs, apple bottom behind and an internal body temperature that felt like 300 degrees, hence I named her Sahara.
That girl, did it for me. And her mind.
We could and would talk for hours about everything. Science, Law, Philosophy and Religion. Religion was her favorite.
She had studied religious themes all of her life and was a theology major and she could hold her own in a debate. What is it about them church girls? So damn good and so damn bad?
Boy, was Sahara bad.
I nursed my love for her as hate over the years and one day, mutual interests brought us back together and I realized, I STILL LOVED THIS DAMN GIRL!
Still married but this time, I was done. Ready to call it quits and I did.
Moved into the basement, stop giving Chee Chee my sweet deposits and told her to file for divorce and eventually she did.
And I retreated to my Sahara. She loved me, healed me and ignited fires in me. I began writing and writing ferociously because I was inspired. She supported my efforts, breathed on my heart and birthed my dreams.
I did what I felt I needed to do the way I needed to do it and that did not always sit well with Sahara.
She was the brand of woman that needed to be involved and not informed. My brand of man is very dictatorial and Sahara could not be dictated too and we found ourselves doing what we did not ever want to do again….
This woman I could not tame. Well, I could as long as I had her in bed but as soon as she got up, shit; she was back on….and popping!
So fast forward, divorce is final. I am moving out, Chee Chee is holding on for dear life and Sahara is impatient. Things not moving the way they need to fast enough.
Shit, I thought the divorce would be enough for Sahara.
And here I am again. Without the woman I swore was created for me. The one I walked away from a 15 year marriage for. The woman who was helping me to soar. We were building a business together that garnered an international audience, that now has been reduced to a few views.
I am not happy.
I pretend pretty good.
I pretended for almost two decades. Hell, I have been pretending all of my life but I never pretended with Sahara. She opened me up. I was the free-est me, I had ever been. She knows me. I have never been able to hide from her.
When I look at the pictures I took with Sahara, they say everything. Damn, do they say everything.
I am not into being alone despite always being lonely. I have never been single so after a few months of silver tonguing Chee Chee, she came back…like she always does. She is like a leech that loves sucking on lies. I have fed her the blood of lies since our beginning.
It is what binds us.
Yeah, I know it’s kind of messed up but hell, it is what it is.
Sahara is gone and so am I.
-Salacious Fiction QUEEN ANN